I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
