I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
