i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
