I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
