you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
