life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
