I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
