Non-Jews are for practice
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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