last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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