She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
