im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
