he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm like, not good at living.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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