I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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