I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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