'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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