Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
