@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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