just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize