Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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