He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
This house was built for laser tag.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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