Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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