Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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