So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
