So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
