walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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