Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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