WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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