You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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