Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
