she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
