hell yes lets make some ravioli
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
