Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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