Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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