Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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