On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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