I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
