8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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