my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she smelled like a LAN party
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
