Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
