Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
