I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
