i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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