she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
