Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
