Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
