Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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