if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
