the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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