Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
