But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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