I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
