My boss' voice literally gives me gas
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
