at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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