wrigley field is MILF paradise
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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