I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
