can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
