my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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