Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
