had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
