You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
