Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
