sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
