Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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