Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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