I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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