I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she peed on how many people?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
