I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Don't make out with my wife yet
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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