from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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