if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
